Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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