I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
