Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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