I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
