You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
