i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
