Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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