dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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