You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
