dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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