Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
