Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
