am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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