i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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