wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
