I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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