someone get that fucking seahorse.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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