she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
