2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
