I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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