I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
