Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
did you just send me my own nude
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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