I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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