At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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