There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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