What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
