just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
