I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
