i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
