Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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