How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
