The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
