Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
