Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
