oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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