Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
