if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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