So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
How does one acquire holy water?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
