you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
