***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
this boner is exhausting
sarcasm needs its own font
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
