Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
