Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
