hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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