Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
did i just pee glitter
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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