I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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