you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
