This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
