So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
