yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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