I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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