it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
